Thursday, June 30, 2005
Likes and Dislikes
5 Dislikes...
1. ...The way I obsess about the neatness of my house. And believe me that it isn't the cleanest house in the wordl. I can't go to bed and sleep soundly if I know there is dirt on my floor and dishes in my sink. It's not a pigpen by any means...I just don't like walking across the wood floor and having litter and dust stick to the bottom of my feet. Right now I feel it is disgusting in here because of the heat we have been having...I haven't done a thourough cleaning for weeks. And nothing is more embarassing to me than having someone come to visit and my floor not being vaccummed.
2. ...I can't seem to just let things go...If someone doesn me wrong then I hold that inside for a very very long time. I will never forgive my own sister for the way she has treated me and some of the things my so called friends have done to me is so uncalled for. I know I should just write these people out of my life but I still feel the hurt they caused me and I just can't let go of it.
3. ...I need to stop complaining about my parents. They are both such negative people, but with good reasons, and I tend to complain a bit much about them. Many of my friends have lost one or both of their parents and I see how they miss them and they tell me they wish they had never ragged about them so much. I love my parents with all my heart and they know that but sometimes it just gets to me. One of my goals is to stop bitching about them and try looking at situations that arise as fond memories. I know they won't be with me forever.
4. ...I wish I could trust that I was a good parent to my daughter. I'm doing the best I can but sometimes I feel like I'm a little too mean...or that I'm handleing things wrong with her. Some days she sems so distant from me and I basically have to drag even a hello out of her. And I watch how she is with daddy and I get jealous because she'll cuddle and love him still and with me it's always standoffish. I know she loves me...I just hope I'm doing the right things and every day I doubt myself.
5. ...Being in control is a way of life for me and I hate it when I spin out of control. I'm not a very spontaneous person...I like to have a plan and stick to it...and I just can't catch up if those plans change. That's why I don't make permanent plans too far in advance...something always screws them up and I feel like I'm out of control. I am working on being a more "go with the flow" type person...hope I learn how soon.
OK...Now for the 5 likes...
1....I am always willing to try something new...and I usually love what I try. This past weekend I tried kayaking for the first tme and now I own three new kayaks and am very excited about it. I'm even like that with food...I'll try anything. And the entire time I was younger, I hated everything that went into my mouth. So I thinks it's great that I can actually swallow broccoli and not cringe...I actually like it.
2. ...I like the way I am with my daughter's firends. I'm in wonder of it, wondering why they think I'm so kewl...way kewler than their own parents. They talk to me about everyhting and I've even been asked to adopt a couple of them. They like me that much. Sometimes it makes me feel alittle foolish when I'm sitting in my living room with a bunch of teens and I seem to fit right in...I am going to refrain from doing that so much...but at least these kids know they can talk to me and they always have a safe place when something in thier life just isn't working out.
3. ...I like they way I try to simplify my life. Over the last few years I've gotten rid of so much clutter, and I'm not talking just about all those nick knacks, and I feel so much more free. Decluttering your mind and your home really does feel great...try it!
4. ...I accept myself the way I am. I don't feel I have to change for anyone. I don't beat myself up when I make a mistake, I learn from it and move on hoping that I am a better person because of it. I feel that I'm a pretty good person.
5. ...When I've been asked to do a job I do it my very best! My cleaning job isn't much but I take pride in the way I do it. No dust and dirt in that office! And if I have a week where I do it a little half assed, I freak out and go back and do it better the next week. Someday my way of doing things "just so" will pay off for me. I'll land a job and the boss will know I'll give it my all...
