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Monday, August 29, 2005
Affairs of the Heart...How Scary!
My almost 13 year old is starting 8th grade with a new crush. He is a new boy she met with one of her friends a few days ago, and it's ALL she's talked about! I don't think I've ever seen her fall this hard. All last year she had eyes for her dear sweet cutie pie Ben. Well, I haven't even heard her speak of Ben since meeting this new boy, Brecken. Brecken seems like a pretty good kid, but I've only seen him in a crowd, I haven't spoken to him. A good friend of my baby girl has been friends with Brecken for a while and has told her all about him. Today her friend was here and they went into her room and called Brecken and Logan, the friend, asked Brecken all sorts of questions..."What did you think of the short blonde girl?" and told him all about her saying stuff like "She's really cool." and "I've liked her for a long time but she doesn't like me that way" and stuff like that. It is clear that Logan is trying to be match maker. I'm ok with this but I do have fears. I fear that my baby will fall hard for this boy and this boy won't return the same feelings. I fear that her heart will be broken and she won't look at another boy. This sort of thing happened last year with Ben. Ben was always nice to her and they became good friends during the course of the year, but it was obvious that that was all he intended with her. He was well aware of how much Baby Girl liked him and kept just enough distance so he wouldn't have to deal with it. For this I'm grateful because it made it less painful for my daughter.  With Brecken I'm not so sure. I honestly have NEVER seen her this excited about a boy. I know I sound like a fool, thinking like she would never have these feelings. I knew it was coming. I'm just not sure she's ready to handle it if he rejects her. She expected the rejection from Ben last year so it didn't bother her much. If she throws herself at Brecken, which is exactly what she's been doing for the past few days, and he ignores it I'm so afraid that it will crush her. Tomorrow I have been told that Logan will be here and Brecken is coming over with him. Does this mean that my fears are uncalled for? I don't know. Time will tell I suppose. I only hope that I am clever enough to show her that I'm here for her without alienating her. That has been happening lately a lot. She is pulling away from me in a big way. Lord give me the strength to see her through this one. And maybe Lord you could cut my child a break and let this boy like her, just a little bit...she's so unsure of herself these days. I'll post again on the outcome of this young soap opera of sorts...til next time all.
Summer's End!
So the last weekend of summer has just passed. It was a nice weekend. Festival Days here in town and although they sucked at least it gave us something to do. Went in the parade, YIPPEE! Not!, on my aunts float handing out baby trees. It was extremely hot and I didn't really enjoy myself. From what I hear from people who watched the parade, I was better off in it than watching it. Wasn't much of a parade I guess. After that we took a ride to camp with niece and her dogs to let them run a little. It was peacful there and we spent some quality time with her, which we do to little of lately. In the evening we went to the of so much fun street dance that was a totaly flop and I hauled my daughters ass out of there by 8:15. Came home then and went up on the hill to watch the fireworks. Another FLOP! Lasted all of about 6 minutes. I am so glad that it's over.
Yesterday we went kayaking down the river and it was a lot of fun. Left at 10 and got out of the river at 2:30. It was quite an adventure. Nobody tipped over and the sun wasn't out that much so no serious sunburns. Today my arm is a little sore as is my back from sitting that long but all in all I loved the day. Finished the day off with supper at Deb's house and then home to do the housework that I knew I wouldn't be able to do this morning due to hubby sleeping. Even went to bed early last night and that was a nice thing to do. I woke up feeling pretty good this morning. EXCEPT!...The kid is in a seriously bad mood today.
End of summer blues maybe, I don't know. All I know is the 8th grade from Hell that I spoke aobut in a past post has already begun. It starts with the attitude. Now, I'm the type of parent that refuses to put up with an attitude. There isn't a need for it and no reason why she should be pissy at all. She's well rested, eating right, and I just spent a ton of money on her school shopping so I should see nothing but grins and giggles out of her. I know, that's wishful thinking. I'm also not a stupid parent...I know that with the age comes the attitude. We've had "words" about it already this morning and I've gotten plenty of eye rolling thrown my way. Now she is in her room reading and avoiding me at all lengths. Fine with me, makes my day more peaceful when I don't have to worry about it...I know she's in her room and reading is good for her so she can stay there all day as far as I'm concerned.
That's how my day is going so far. We have two more days of official summer vacation...How will I spend it? I think a trip to Sam's club so I don't have to do it tomorrow and maybe a decent supper for a change. In two days she will be back in school and the Winter routine will begin. I don't like change but in this case I think it's just what we need around here. Any tips on how to handle the attitude that I'm sure will be here for a couple of years will be appreciated  so send them my way. Have a great day, and start to your week All! Luv to every one of you...Peace!
Friday, August 26, 2005
DAY NUMBER TWO!
So here I am, up again and at the computer before 7:00 a.m. The daughter got up a little easier this morning and is trying out a routine that starts at 6:15 (only because I was late getting her up). She is in between the stage where she wants to look her very best and the stage where she wants to be lazy...I've been fighting with her for ten minutes on why she should blow dry her hair because it makes it look better than just leaving it to dry on it's own. I won, sort of. She did go to blow dry it but came out with it half wet still. The outfit she has on is fine for a day at home...the pants are a little too short for her and the shirt isn't one that I would have ever picked for her...it's ugly. But I guess I can't tell her how to dress. She still has to make her bed and eat breakfast but I think next week is doable. I'll be setting her alarm for fifteen minutes earlier than today and another couple of days of this routine and she'll be fine. She was out until 10:00 last night and I think she's realizing that that isn't a good bedtime for when school gets in. She's dragging her butt. Fo me, the routine still sucks. I woke up at 5:45 this morning and my eyes stung when I tried to open them...they just weren't ready for daylight I guess. I did manage to pull myself out and got ready before hubby got home from night shift. I've been thinking about the added hours to daylight savings time. I understand it to mean that there will be an extra week in the fall before we set the clocks back, (keep in mind that this means the trick or treaters will either be starting out in the daylight, which you know won't happen, or they will start an hour later and that means we'll have trick or treaters pounding at the door still at 9 p.m.) and we will set our clocks forward in the spring a week early. That means that we'll have an extra week at the end of the school year trying to get our kids to bed in the daylight and they'll hate that. It's all a part of CHANGE! And I hate change. I know you all do too. Anyhow, that's how the day has started for me...and it looks to be a busy day with helping with the parade float for a few hours and heading to work tonight...and I'm sure there will be ten kids at the house all day, hopefully not before hubby wkaes up. I'm looking for some new interesting posts out there...I think we are all jet lagged from the summer. Have a great day peoples! Luvs to you all!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Did I say I was Ready?
Ok, a few posts back I talked about how although summer will be missed, I was ready for it to be over and the kids to get back to school and how I longed to have a "routine" again. My daughter has alread started helping with a couple of cheering squads and she has touched base with all her school friends about who they has for homeroom and what they were wearing first day of school. The husband is back to work from too much time off this summer and I'm looking into the online courses being offered from our Adult Ed. The nights are cooler and there is a bite at your toes when they first hit the floor in the morning...all is right with the world.
NOT!!! This morning I started the routine of getting up at 5:30 and you know what? IT SUCKS!!! Then I tried to pull baby girl out of bed, since she needs to get used to the routine also, and she was miss crabby pants and just turned over and went back to sleep. I hopped into the shower so I could be clear of the bedroom when Hubby got homw from night shift. I about froze my tushy off when I stepped out of it to grab a towel. (of course our furnace runs but I refuse to turn it on before at least October.) My eyes were all stingy because the sun was reflecting through on of the windows and all I wanted to do was hide under those nice warm covers of my comfy bed. No, can't do that! This is too damned early! Next week these kids have to be in their first class at 7:32 a.m. The school wonders why the kids struggle with grades and why they have attitudes all the time...well, maybe if they'd start school a little later so the kids could frigen sleep in it might help. And us parents would be a lot happier also. An hour extra sleep a day would really help the world I think. I know, I know, after a week or two of this my body will be adjusted to this new time schedule and everything WILL be right with the world. But for now I just am not ready to get up this early. Can't I hang on to my summer "sleeping in" just a few days longer? No, I won't...I'll continue on this God Forbidden schedule and in no time it will be just the norm. But for now I want to just sit and bitch about it...I'm sure there are others out there that feel the same way. Have a beautiful summer day people...enjoy it now while you can...and cherish the warmth of the sun on your face one last time before Jack comes nipping at your beaker. Peace Out!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
One More!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
A New MEME
1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? How much of a mess my hair and skin is! I hate it!
2. How much cash do you have on you right now?
$8
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Zest...Orange preferrably
4. Favorite plant?
Stargazer Lillies for a flowering bulb and I'd have to say the vine thingy that is growing in my master bath...the only hting I haven't killed yet
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
No Cell...and I reufuse to get one!
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
it's just a ring...nothing special
7. What shirt are you wearing?
"Don't Touch My Chocolate" shirt under my Maine mango sweatshirt. I really need some new clothing...
8. Do you "label" yourself?
Yes, and unfortunately none are the labels are encouraging.
9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?
Avia Sneaks...and they are FINALLY clean! Bleach does wonders!
10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room?
The Brighter The Better
11. What did you have for breakfast?
Zuchinni Bread...only one slice though
12. Since question 12 is weirdly missing, make some shit up.
Oh come on...we really have to use our minds on this MEME???? Let's just keep it simple...
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Dreaming sweet dreams
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
I already told you...NO CELL!
15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
Like I'd ever do anything that stupid
16. What's an expression that you say a lot?
Talk to the Elbow, you aren't worth the extension
17. Who told you they loved you last?
Baby Girl
18. Last furry thing you touched?
Lucy Bones
19. How many hours a week do you work?
24/7....I'm a stay at home mom
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
none
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
25
22. Your worst enemy?
Tracy Boyle! Someday I know in my heart he will do something horrible to me! NO DOUBTS!
23. What is your current desk top picture?
on the computer...our cow friends...on my real desktop...my four babies, Jazzy, Emmy, Lucy, Iggy
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
No I don't want to go!
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose?
The Money! For once in my life I'd like to not have to worry about which bill to pay next...and I firmly believe that mistakes HAVE to be made for the learning process to continue forever.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Another One to Keep You All Busy
Ok, here's another one. I love these things...gives us all something to do...mindless entertainment!
Julie...
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
Mixed Colors
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
My Sergei
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
DELL
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
I hate them...cards are different though
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Birds and Blooms
6. FAVORITE SMELL?
Cows Breath...I actually have many so I can't say I have a favorite
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
skunk
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE
UP IN THE MORNING?
Oh Gosh, I have to get up!
9. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
yellow
10. LEAST FAVORITE COLORS?
I like all colors
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
2 if I'm close enough
12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
no more kids but Katie or Callie if I were to have one
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
contentment
14. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE JOB?
haven't liked any of them
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Chocolate.
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
I hate to drive...I think we need horse and wagon's again..no, I'd hate that too.
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Does a Mooshi Pillow count?
18. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT STORMS?
The stronger the thunder the better...love a good snapper
19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Haven't had one yet...Tim's first new one was a Beretta.
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN AND YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Cancer...July 11
21. STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
I'm trying to like them
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
have no idea...that's why I'm a stay at home mom.
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY PRESENT IN THE WORLD WHAT
WOULD IT BE?
Enough money to make life a little easier for a change
26. color hair: what would it be.
RED...if I were brave enough
25. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
depends on the day
26. FAVORITE MOVIES
Gone With The Wind
27. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
I try but very seldom succeed
28. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
besides dust bunnies? Storage boxes and cat hair
29. What is your favorite number?
5
30. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
none
31. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR?
illness and death
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON YOU GOT THIS FROM!
Karyn~~~what can I say? You are so great!
34. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
House
35. WHICH DO YOU PREFER--KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
niether
36. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK?
none
37. WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Any place secluded from the rest of the world
38. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW?
Our Cow Friends on the Kennebec
39. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS?
Yuck!
40. HOW MUCH TIME EACH DAY ARE YOU ON BLOGGER?
One Hour
41. BEST MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE
Kristen...do I need to say more
42. FOUND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?
thought so but the jury is still out
43. KEPT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?
for now...we'll see
44. FAVORITE PLACE TO BE
Under the stars
So Many Questions, So Little Time!
A QUIZ! Come On Now, Don't Spoil The Fun!
Name? Were you named after anyone? Julie...and I hate the name!
Do you wish on stars? yes
When did you last cry? I try to not cry unless it's really necessary...like when you watch that really sappy movie for the tenth time.
Do you like your handwriting? I hate it
What is your favorite lunch meat? Yuck! Too many calories.
What is your birth date? 7/11/67
What is your most embarrassing CD? Milli Vanilli
If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? probably not most days. But I'd like to think I'll try to be friends with anyone.
Do you have a journal? yes, but I haven't written in it for a long time
Do you use sarcasm a lot? Everyday in some form...keeps life real!
What are your nicknames? none
Would you bungee jump? Drunk!
Do you think that you are strong? Only in some ways.
What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate Swirl
Shoe Size? 7
Red or pink? Yellow
Do you want everyone that reads this to reply? yes
What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Jean shorts, bare feet
What are you listening to right now? Seventh Heaven on the tube...Daughter's favorite show.
Last thing you ate? leftovers!
What is the weather like right now? perfect
Last person you talked to on the phone? Marlisa
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? the way he dresses
Favorite Drink? H2O
Favorite Sport? volleyball if I had to choose...
Hair Color? brown
Eye Color? brown
Do you wear contacts? no
Favorite Food? lobster
Last Movie You Watched? Harry Potter for the 100th time
Favorite Day Of The Year? used to be Christmas until some family members ruined it...makes it all too stressful now...Now I am pretty happy with just about any day that I wake up healthy.
Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy Endings
Favorite Movie? Gone With The Wind! Forever!
Summer Or Winter? Fall
Hugs OR Kisses? Both
What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Pies at Thanksgiving...now why do we only make them for that one day and forget about them the rest of the year?
What Books Are You Reading? My Sergei
What's On Your Mouse Pad? DELL
What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Blogged all evening then bed!
Favorite Smells? Pot Roast cooking
Favorite Sounds? Church Bells
Rolling Stones or Beatles? Fleetwood Mac has them both beat
What's the furthest you've been from home? RI...pathetic huh?
Do you have a special talent? my secret!
What is your ring tone? none
What is the strangest thing about you? I want you all to tell me the answer to this one!
What is your favorite color? yellow
Pets? Cats, fish
Favorite TV show? House
Married/Single? married
Kids? one girl
3 things you like about yourself? I don't lie (fib maybe but all innocent), I care what others think, I'm willing to try my hand at anything
3 things you hate about yourself? There are too many to count...but I am who I am.
Ok People...now post this on your blog and we'll all be a little closer. Have fun!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Try This...It's a Mel Thing!
If you respond to this I'll give it a try...no promises of the outcome.
I got this over at Melslife, The rules are, you comment on this post, and I will answer the following about each person:
1. I'll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what intoxicant you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you; you must post this on your blog.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
My Life...And Some Thoughts!
Ok, I've been bitched at for slacking off on my posting so here I am...making people happy once again.
Not much going on in my life...Hubby is on his second vacation of the summer and I'm SO ready for him to NOT be on a vacation. We are at each others throats constantly because there just isn't anything left to do. Yes, we could do the camping thing or the beach thing but truthfully, I'm tired of it. The summer is winding down and I'm trying to get into "back to school" mode.  He's ready to still be go, go, go! We decided to play this vacation day to day. Whatever we want to do when we wake up in the morning is the plan for the day. We all wake up wanting to do SOMETHING but none of us really know exactly what that something is. He spends most of his day out in the shop making his knives pouting because after a very expensive summer so far the funds are exhausted to the point where I don't dare to be quite so spend-thrifty. He pouts because everything we think of to do is something that costs megabucks and he knows we just can't risk it. Our young teen has had a terrible week emotionally.  A planned double date didn't go as planned and then a very good friend decided to be a little twit and baby gilr got her feelings hurt. Nothing Old Mom and Dad can do about it so she's just spending time alone in her room pondering what happened over and over. Mom, the one that was in the hospital last week is doing better but the meds are taking their toll on her body and she's spending her days on the couch mostly. She's ugly all the time and tends to still take it out on me...although she is mostly bitching about the other grand-daughter (not my child) and her stupid antics that she's been pulling lately. Word of advice to all those 22 year olds out there... DON'T GET DRUNK AND THEN CALL YOUR GRANDPARENTS TO CRY ON THIER SHOULDER BECAUSE LIFE ISN'T GOING AS PLANNED! You can all go ahead and call your grandparents for advice but don't do it drunk! It really pisses them off.
How about some stuff to think about...this is what has been in my mind lately...
I noticed today that cats eyes don't move. Ever notice that? People have muscles in their eyes that allow movement from side to side and up and down and all around without having to move thier heads. Even Dogs...when they are laying peacefully on the floor they don't have to lift thier head to see what's going on...they just lift up an eyebrow and peek around. But cat's don't have this ability and I just noticed it. Our kitty love his rides to camp...but I can't help but wonder what they see and what they are thinking when the car is going down the road at 55 mph and trees and bushes are zooming by. Do they actually see this? Think aobut it, when we are riding, we have constant eye movement becasue it's too hard to focus on one steady spot. Try looking out the side window the next time you are riding down the road. It'll give you a headache if you think about it too much...trust me. Cats have no eye movement so it can't be too great for the health of thier eyes when they go on those trips to the vets or just for a ride in general. Keep in mind it's only us strange people that take thier cats on car trips!
Something else I've observed lately is the countless amount of money that changes hands at a typical State Fair. I went to our state fair a few days ago and was watching everything going on while hubby was getting some relief in the potty. After paying to get through the gates and for the ride passes and for the greasy food and the cotton candy and the carnival games...OH MY GOSH! Any of us working our hard ass jobs are definitely in the wrong business. Thousands and Thousands of dollars go through a typical fairground in just an hour. And with the price of gas lately and school shopping and family trips and we can't forget those $150 basketball sneaks for our young athlete, you'd think that people would be too broke to head to the fair. NOPE! All walks of life head to the fair as soon as it arrives and many of them don't just go one day. Most go countless times, depending on the length of the fair. And what happens to our children at these things. Young girls, no more than 12 or 13 running around with what little figures they have hanging out of skimpy little tank tops...shorts cut up to thier ya'ya's. All of them out there flaunting what they have for whatever they can get out of these young boys. These are the same young girls that get honor roll and act respectable from September to June. I just don't get it! The next time you head to a fair close to you, stop for a moment and look at what I'm talking about. And think of the endless amount of money being spent, sex being handed out to strangers, and idiotic behavior taking place. And then stop to think WHY you are there. Look around at the people...most you wouldn't want to be seen talking to. But here you are hanging with the best of the worst.
These are just a couple things I've been thinking aobut lately. Hope they made you stop and think about things too...Hope you enjoyed this post.
For those of you who bitched about my slacking, Satisfied??? I promise to try to post more often. Bye All!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Good Thoughts For A Change!
I have this need to write something good for a change so here it goes...
~~20 REASONS TO SMILE~~
1. Waking up ro a hug from your kid
2. Enjoying one piece of choclate (ok, maybe three or four)
3. A starlit sky
4. Ice Cream Cake for your birthday
5. Losing that last ten pounds
6. That hour of "me" time after the kids have gone to bed
7. Finding the ring you thought you lost down the drain
8. Sleeping all night
9. A really good hair day
10. A rainbow after a sun-shower
11. Getting everything done at work before the deadline(That's for Mel)
12. Catching that first snowflake on your tongue
13. The first day of summer
14. The first day of school
15. You child telling you she loves you, just out of the blue
16. Looking around and realizing your house isn't really that dirty after all
17. $10 in the dryer (finders keepers)
18. The friend that keeps you going from day to day
19. That look between you and your spouse that shows how much you mean to each other
20. Your Laugh Lines!
12.
Monday, August 08, 2005
A Not So Good Start To The Week!
I've been dealing with the Mom situation for four days now, not to mention the months of agony she's been through. The operation went ok. Doctor says he thinks he can do her treatment right in Watrville. If it turns out he can't, she'll have to go to Boston for treatment. We've made it through the not feeling so good from the anesthesia and now we've moved on to the irritability. She is negative about EVERYTHING. The service from the nurses suck, the housekeeping doesn't clean good enough, the food sucks, she wants to come home. The last part I can't blame her for. Nobody likes being in the hospital. But in all reality that is the best place for her. She has it in her head that she is coming home tomorrow...she wishes it was today. I am in hopes that they keep her intil the end of the week. It will give her wounds time to heal and be properly cared for. She has a very long road ahead of her. Maybe months. And there's still always the possibility that she may lose her foot from the infection. I don't want to see that happen so that's why I feel she should suck it up and stay put right in the hospital. Most people that know the situation agree with me, except for two people. Mom and Dad. And I don't know how to make them see it differently. Anyhow, after a long and trying weekend, it has flowed right into this week. I know I can still be the good daughter and make it through it but boy, is it getting to me. I have a headache that won't quit and no energy so I just sit here and watch tv and try to re-coup before I have to head back to the hospital. I am also trying to entertain my 12 year old that only wants to spend some quality time together and enjoy what's left of summer vacation. Hubby is on vacation from work starting Friday so hopefully that will help ease some of the pressure I'm under. I'll keep you all posted and hopefully the next post I enter will be a happier one. God, please help me through this! Evjoy your week everone.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
A Sucky Weekend!
So this is how my weekend is going...SUCKY! Began yesterday morning when my mother returned from a doctors appointment in tears. She told me she was being admitted to the hospital with her wounds, (she's had them for at least six months) and they were going to operate on them and there was a possiblity that she might lose her foot. I just stood there! I didn't know what to say. She has been through so much already and now to have to go through more. I have watched her for months in excruciating pain from vasculitis, which is a newer disease that they don't know much about, and all the research I've been doing on the net has told me what is still to come. Her operation was today to cut out the dead parts of the wounds and take a biopsy. The doctor didn't say much. He told us of how the pain she's been experiencing is nothing compared to the pain that is yet to come. It will have to get worse before it gets better...and I thought they only used that metaphor in the movies. Patrick Swayze said it much better than this doctor did. Anyway, most of the day has been spent at the hospital watching as my mother has tried to come out of the anethesia and I'm watching as her feet start to come to (they froze them with novacaine). The more they come to the more they burn and hurt. What more does this poor woman have to endure. It tears at my heartstrings because all I can do is sit back and watch it all happen. I can't make her more comfortable and I can't heal her myself. I feel helpless and I don't do well when I feel this way. I'm always the fixer around here. She's looking at a long recovery and there's still a chance gangrean will set in and she'll lose her foot. At least six months before it's healed and since she's a slow healer anyway it'll probably be more like two years. Two Years! And with me ready to go back to work after being a stay at home mom. How can I do that when she'll need me here. I am trying to have positive thoughts about it all. She's going to be fine and she won't lose her foot! If I keep thinking that maybe it will come true. Dad came home shortly after I did not so positive. He's talking like she did the wrong thing and that these doctors are too eager to cut, cut, cut. She's such a slow healer and she's a bleeder so I can see his concerns. Still, I'm only hoping that he doesn't go and say things like, "you maybe shouldn't have done it" or "It's gonna hurt like hell!" She can't handle hearing things like that. It'll make her start thinking she DID do the wrong thing and that she still MIGHT lose her foot. Only time will tell on all of this I suppose. Well, that's how my weekend is going. I'm going back to the hospital in a little bit to see how she's doing. Tomorrow I'll spend the remainder of the weekend cleaning her house so she doesn't have to think about that when she gets released. I am still smiling at the beautiful weather we are having and I am going to stay positive. Boy, it's draining though. I'll keep you all posted and I hope you are all having a much better weekend than I am. Smile and the world smiles with you! So you'd all better be smiling enough for both of us! Chow for now!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Where Did The Summer Go?
I couldn't wait for June 17th to get here. Finally I was going to be able to sleep past 5 a.m. and my days would be filled bonding with my preteen. Suntan's and days at the beach, long walks in the evening and ice cream cones as a treat, sitting up late at night watching tear jerker movies together...where did the days go so quickly? A sure sign that things are about to change is school shopping, state fairs, family reunions winding down...I hate this time of year. Back to School! The summer just isn't long enough. Soon it will be early mornings and and running from one school even to another, tears through a pile of homework, young girls bickering back and forth over stupid things...I'm just not ready for it to start all over again. I've been warned that in our school district, eighth grade is the worst! The kids are unprepared for the amount of homework suddenly thrown at them and the shenanigans of these 13 year olds are more complex. Most of them experience real peer pressure for the first time with offers of drinking and drugs...and the little boys minds are starting to think of every way possible to get into a girls jeans. I'm just not ready to let go of summer yet. I want her to be home with me a few more days. She has about three weeks left until that dreaded first day of school. By that time she will have talked with her buddies and they will be ready to spend their days together, making plans for the Friday night dance or doing homework together. I on the other hand will sit alone in my bedroom in tears because one more summer with my baby has come and gone. Will I survive it? Of course I will! And I've raised my daughter to know right from wrong so I know she'll survive it also. Will I like it? NO WAY! My wish is for summer vacation to last longer...how about three months of school and nine months of vacation for a change? So, even though we have those three weeks left of Summer of 2005, this is my farewell to it. The next three weeks will go by in a blurr with all the shopping still to do and earlier bedtimes so we all won't be cranky when we have to start getting up at 5 a.m. The State Fair will go by in a shot and we will take one last trip to the beach and maybe squeeze in one more weekend at camp. Goodbye! Summer 2005! It's been great and we'll do it all again in June of 2006.
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