Monday, February 20, 2006
Life Goes On!
Been a couple of weeks since I've posted so I thought I'd give it a whirl this morning since I am the only one up. Hubby on vacation and is taking advantage of the chance to sleep in.
Very cold here. You might be thinking, Hey it's Maine in Winter....Supposed to be cold, but these last couple of days have been the coldest yet in this freaky Maine Winter. No snow still and looks like nothing in the near future. I hate it and I long for cross country skiing. Only exercise I usually get in winter.
Cheering is OVER! YAY FOR ME! Well, technically it is but they have asked me to put together my cheerleaders and their parents to cheer for a benefit game between 8th grade players and faculty members. I think it will be a lot of fun. That will happen mid week next week and I only need to have one little practice to teach moms the sidelines and a few call back cheers. Will let you know how it goes.
Unfortunately this is another of those posts where I need to vent. Baby Girl is taking me to the end of my rope and I feel like I've lost ALL control on this parenting thing with her. She still has boyfriend number one and as far as I can see they are getting along pretty good. He seems like a very nice boy. Although I think this really started when the boyfriend came into the picture I can't blame him for the attitude of my daughter lately. Let me start by telling you a little bit about my realationship with my baby. When I was growing up, parenting was a little different. Both of my parents worked and dad was drunk all the time. Mom spent her days working cooking cleaning and dealing with a drunk husband so although they fed and clothed me, I basically grew up all by myself. I can't remember even one conversation with my parents about anything happening in my teen years. When I had my daughter I swore that it would never be that way with her and I. I wanted her to grow up knowing she could come to me with anything and that I'd always have an open ear for her. Up until now that has played out very well. Her and I spend a ton of time together since Hubby works all the time and crazy shifts. Baby and I are best friends and enjoy each others company...well, until recently. A few months ago I notice the teen girl attitude coming out. She started getting mouthy and showing that she wanted more space/freedom. She started withdrawing from conversations with me and started spending more time in her room. This past week she has withdrawn from conversation with me even more. I try to talk with her about the stuff going on and she refuses to see it as a big deal. I tell her I'm tired of the tension between us and the way she shuts me out and she just responds with "Mom, I'm not". Then she goes back into her room and ignores me the rest of the day. Now, I totally expect this at this age. I knew the days would come where she would want to grow into her own person, find herself and who she really is. People have told me that this too shall pass and she will eventually start letting me into her life a little at a time. This too I expect. I think what has me bothered by all the recent events is that for one, she has never NOT talked to me about her feelings and happenings in her life before, and two it all happened so quickly. One day we were just normal around here, the occasional spat but still a ton of love and respect. Overnight, literally, she withdrew and stopped talking and was just SO damned angry with me it seemed. I played things over and over in my mind to see if I had done something to make her hate me and Hubby and I talked about it and there is just no reason for her to be shutting me out. We are extremely giving as far as her freedoms go. Let me explain...She is allowed to have friends over, as many as she wants, at any given time of any day. No questions asked. If it is mealtime around here any kids in the house are asked to join us, even if it's a tight grocery week. She is allowed to have a boyfriend at age 13 and trusted enough to be allowed to have a boy in her room, as long as the door is open. They can hold hands in front of us and even a few peck kisses are acceptable. If she wants to go someplace, Hubby and I drop everything we are doing to take her where she needs to go, and we always hand out money (even to her friends) if the need arises. She is allowed on the computer and phone as long as she wants (except for right this moment because we limited computer time when the grades slipped). And although we don't like phone calls past 9:00 p.m. we have made many exceptions to this rule. All in all I think we are very liberal parents with her. We give her freedom where many kids around here at this age get none. And we trust her that she will follow all the house rules and so far she hasn't broken even one. Not many parents can say that they have never had to ground their kid for something...well, I can say that. So, now I ask you all this, have I given too much? And am I being unfair to her? I give her all the space she needs and then some. I know this is a time in her life where she feels she has to test the boundaries. And I am letting her, but at the same time I feel I have to stand up to her and let her know that this is still her father and my house and she needs to be respectful here at all times and keep those lines of communication open. For my own sake, and her safety, I have to stand firm on this. My friends have told me that she will come back to me soon and no matter what she will always love me, and I believe that. I just don't like the way things are going on here now. And any of you that know me personally know that Julie does NOT handle stress well...and I take things to heart too easily. I want this trying time over in my life and I want some normalcy around here. Or at least a little communtication.
I'll end there, since I'm sure you all got the point of this post and thanks for hearing me vent again. Seems as though that's all I do on here lately. Enjoy your week peeps and til next time...
