Thursday, June 16, 2005
Things I Hate About Me...In Response to Mel!
1. I can never carry on a conversation with someone without saying something incredibly stupid and feeling like a complete ass. I enter a conversation trying to sound like an intelligent adult and by the end of the conversation I feel like a little kid with no clue as to what I'm saying.
2. I am scared to death to fly and because of that will NEVER see the things I dream of seeing. I can always drive but I haven't yet figured out how to get to Aruba in a car. And I'd never be able to get that much vacation time!
3. My child is my entire world and I'm afraid of what I'll be in five years when she's off starting her own life and I'm left here all alone. I can't imagine even one day without her voice and seeing her face. It scares the hell out of me to think about what I'll do once my job as Mom is done...and that time is almost here.
4. I hate that I have no self esteem. I don't apply for jobs because of fear of rejection due to my inabilities and I feel like a nobody because I skipped out on college. I never feel good enough as a mom or a wife. And I feel like a terrible person most of the time, like everything bad that happens is ALL MY FAULT.
5. I hate that I have no trust in anybody. Those that know me know why I have no trust and I think that's why I have very few REAL friends. After what has happened with my sister and certain close friends that I USED to have I just can't bring myself to trust in any relationship. I've been hurt too many times. This causes problems in my marriage and with the friendships I still have. I have tried to trust again, only to be crushed in the end. It's just not worth it to me.
6. I absolutely HATE the way I look. Now I know a lot of people feel this way...but how many of them wish they were Samantha Stevens and with a wiggle of the nose can become anything they want to be. I don't want to be a super model...I just want to be pretty. Maybe a little taller, a little skinnier, maybe if I just looked a little like a girl I'd feel better.
7. I hate that I can never just let anything go...I always have to drag out an argument until all parties involved are exhausted. I am a very opinionated person and when I argue a point about something I feel strongly about I just keep it going on and on and on and on and on...I do stop when I realize that I am wrong...but come on, how many times are we actually WRONG?
8. I don't just hate to drive in the city...I hate driving PERIOD! I'd rather clean toilets.
