Saturday, August 06, 2005
A Sucky Weekend!
So this is how my weekend is going...SUCKY! Began yesterday morning when my mother returned from a doctors appointment in tears. She told me she was being admitted to the hospital with her wounds, (she's had them for at least six months) and they were going to operate on them and there was a possiblity that she might lose her foot. I just stood there! I didn't know what to say. She has been through so much already and now to have to go through more. I have watched her for months in excruciating pain from vasculitis, which is a newer disease that they don't know much about, and all the research I've been doing on the net has told me what is still to come. Her operation was today to cut out the dead parts of the wounds and take a biopsy. The doctor didn't say much. He told us of how the pain she's been experiencing is nothing compared to the pain that is yet to come. It will have to get worse before it gets better...and I thought they only used that metaphor in the movies. Patrick Swayze said it much better than this doctor did. Anyway, most of the day has been spent at the hospital watching as my mother has tried to come out of the anethesia and I'm watching as her feet start to come to (they froze them with novacaine). The more they come to the more they burn and hurt. What more does this poor woman have to endure. It tears at my heartstrings because all I can do is sit back and watch it all happen. I can't make her more comfortable and I can't heal her myself. I feel helpless and I don't do well when I feel this way. I'm always the fixer around here. She's looking at a long recovery and there's still a chance gangrean will set in and she'll lose her foot. At least six months before it's healed and since she's a slow healer anyway it'll probably be more like two years. Two Years! And with me ready to go back to work after being a stay at home mom. How can I do that when she'll need me here. I am trying to have positive thoughts about it all. She's going to be fine and she won't lose her foot! If I keep thinking that maybe it will come true. Dad came home shortly after I did not so positive. He's talking like she did the wrong thing and that these doctors are too eager to cut, cut, cut. She's such a slow healer and she's a bleeder so I can see his concerns. Still, I'm only hoping that he doesn't go and say things like, "you maybe shouldn't have done it" or "It's gonna hurt like hell!" She can't handle hearing things like that. It'll make her start thinking she DID do the wrong thing and that she still MIGHT lose her foot. Only time will tell on all of this I suppose. Well, that's how my weekend is going. I'm going back to the hospital in a little bit to see how she's doing. Tomorrow I'll spend the remainder of the weekend cleaning her house so she doesn't have to think about that when she gets released. I am still smiling at the beautiful weather we are having and I am going to stay positive. Boy, it's draining though. I'll keep you all posted and I hope you are all having a much better weekend than I am. Smile and the world smiles with you! So you'd all better be smiling enough for both of us! Chow for now!
