Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Teenage Blues.....
Last week my sweet baby girl started off her 8th grade year exactly how I thought she would...Problems Problems Problems! The first day was pretty uneventful. She loves her teachers and the new schedule they've adopted from the High School and enjoyed seeing all her friends that she's missed over the summer. That first day she came home in a good mood and was excited about the year that lay ahead of her. Remember, that was just the first day! The second day was a little different! Day two started out as normal. Off to school, a little sleepy because none of us are used to getting up that early, but ready for the day. By the time the second class rolled around the school went into a tailspin due to a Bomb Threat. The kids went off to the High School on buses to be safe. They had to sit in the bleachers there for 4 and a half hours. While there she chatted with friends and got caught up on all the latest gossip. She did some flirting with the new boy in school, but just innocent flirting. Her best friend decided it was the perfect time to start getting "cozy" with her new beau by leaning back between his legs while she sat one bleacher below him. (I remember days of doing that... the teachers would get mad at us for being so "close") Anyway, just before the last class of the day the kids were allowed to go back to the Junior High and resume the day. Other than that the day was uneventful...UNTIL! When she got home her whole world started to change. It wasn't that bad at first...Brett came by to hang out and she had some homework to get done. It wasn't until they got onto AOL that all hell broke loose. She recieved an IM from one of the high school girls that she had been chatting with the whole summer. She has known this girl for years so I allowed the chatting to go on thinking that they were good friends. The conversation went a little like this...
Girl: Hey
Baby Girl: Hi! How do you like the High School?
Girl: Oh, it's not too bad...So, I was told that you like Breken.
(Breken is the new boy in 8th grade this year and ALL the girls think he's a hottie!)
Baby Girl: Ya, why?
Girl: Well, He broke up with his GF from his other school to go out with me last year and then broke up with me to go back with her!
Baby Girl: So! He has the right to pic who he wants to go out with.
Girl: Well, I saw you in the Gym at teh High School today and I saw how you were flirting with him.
Baby Girl: We were just all hanging out and yes I might have been flirting with him a little...
Girl: Well, I think you need to BACK OFF and stop being such a flirt with him.
Baby Girl: Why should I. We like each other.
Girl: I heard you are becoming Quite the Slut!
Baby Girl: Who told you that?
Girl: Oh, I just heard it.
This is where the MOM (me) stepped in. I don't like the kids talking smack like this to each other and I was going to put a stop to it. I had been standing right behind my daughter and Brett the whole time so I knew exactly what the conversation was. I told Brett to move and let me in there. My temper was throguh the roof and I got online and told the girl that I had read the whole thing adn was very upset. Told her that I didn't approve of the way she was talking to my daughter and taht I'd be calling her parents. Well, more was siad but yu all get the poicture I'm sure. By the end of the conversation with her, Brett ws scared to death because he had never seen me get that upset and Baby Girl was in the chair in shock that someone would accuse her of being a Slut. For Goodness sake, she's never had a REAL BF and from what she's told me she's never held hands or kissed a boy so how can she be labeled a Slut? The conversation wen on for a bit with the girl and I just got to the point where I was going to blow a gasket so I got offline and told her her parents would be hearing from my husband and I. She was all apologetic to me and said taht she didn't mean it the way it sounded...that She wasn't calling Baby Girl a Slut, she had just heard it. Well, all you intelligent people out there knows damned well that all she was doing was trying to cover her own ass because she got caught. Later in the evening Hubby and I decided that we would call the girl and tell her that we won't tell her parents but there was a condition...She had to tell them. If she didn't we would have no choice but to tell them ourselves. About 20 minutes after getting off the phone with the girl, her parents called wanting to know what happened. All thier daughter told them was that something happened on the internet and something bad was said about my daughter and that she was invovled. She gave them nothing else to go on. My hubby and I told them the whole story and they were less than pleased with their kid and offered sincere apologies to us and Baby Girl. I didn't want to make this into anything bigger than it already was so I asked that it go no further than the few people involved and they asked the same of us. That was it! It thought the problem was resoved and that was that! At this point it's about bedtime and Baby Girl was unusually quiet and reserved. Off to bed she goes and when I went in to kiss her goodnight she was in tears. The whole thing had hurt her feelings and there was nothing I could do about it. She had to learn to deal with these things so I left her room telling her that the next day would be better. Which it was...she came home still quiet and reserved and told me nothing about her day but assured me she was fine.
The weekend went pretty uneventful...She had planned on hanging out with her best friend but Best Friend was grounded so Baby Girl just hung around the house all weekend. She didn't hear back from the girl that called her a slut and the weekend was rather boring and long.
Off to school on Tuesday! (Labor Day Weekend so that was the first day of the week) She came home with a smile on her face and said the day was pretty good. She didn't talk much about Breken (which surprises me because for two weeks now that's all she's talked about) and she really didn't talk to me about anything else. She mentioned that Best Friend had ran away from home Sunday night but got picked up by a neighbor half way to town and was taken back home. that's about it. She went off to help with the Flag Cheerleaders )a little side job she's picked up) and she wasn't gone ten minutes and Brett showed at the door. He feels comfortable with hubby and I so he stayed with me for a while, just hanging til Baby Girl got home. Him and I talked about some stuff...Enter Problem #2...He informed me that he really likes Baby Girl and would ask her to go out with im but he knows it would cause a ton of problems. Brett and Best Friend had been going out for almost two years until about three weeks ago so he knows it would be awkward if Baby Girl and He started dating because of how it would make Best Friend feel. He didn't want to cause problems for anyone so he's just hanging back for a while. Now, I didn't need to know this little bit of information. I CAN'T tell Baby Girl about it because then she'd feel all funny about htings so I have to keep it to myself. I really don't want to get involved with this anyway...I have always been the type of mom that lets the kids be kids and handle thier own business.(except for the Slut thing because that was my Baby's reputation at stake...I'm sure you will all agree with me) After Baby Girl got home, she and Brett hung out for a while and then he had to leave. It was all an ok time for her. She actually smiled a little, first time since the slut incident from the week before. After supper, Baby Girl went off to take a shower...Enter Problem#3...AND THIS IS THE REAL REASON FOR THIS POST!...Online comes her friend "Mars" (a nickname). She and I chatted for a while about dumb stuff, like "how was your day?" and stuff like that. She asked where Baby Girl was and I told her and she said "good, cause I need to talk to you about something."
Mars: You know Baby Girl likes Breken right?
Me: Yes, she talks about him a little.
Mars: Well, I have a problem because I like him too.
Me: What do you mean you like him too?
Mars: Well, I really like Breken and I want to go after him but I know Baby Girl likes him too and I am afraid she'll be mad at me.
Me: Mars, How would it make you feel if the roles were reversed?
Mars: Yeah, I'd be really angry at baby Girl because she liked the same guy I did.
Me: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Mars: Do youthink I should tell Baby Girl about how I feel about him?
Me: I'm staying out of this one...You do what you have to do Mars.
Mars: I think I am going to tell her that I like him too.
Me: If that's what you have to do then fine, but I can't promise you that she won't be mad at you. You could be jeapordizing a good friendhsip here.
Mars: I know but I can't hide this from her.
Me: Whatever Mars, I'm not getting into it.
Mars: When she gets out of the shower put her on.
And that's exactly what I did. Baby Girl gets out of the shower and I told her Mars was on. I told her that she might tell her something and that I wanted to have a heart to heart with her about it after she was offline. You know, a little bonding so Mom knows how Baby Girl feels aobut the situation. Sure enough, as soon as she got online Mars told her to go read her info and try to figure out what she was trying to say. Then Mars got offline before baby Girl could respond. Baby Girl read the info and immediately figures out that Mars likes Breken also. At first Baby Girl was angry and then she got really quiet. I didn't try to keep the subject open and we both got offline and watched some TV. During one of the commercials, she started talking to me about it. Mom, why is it that when I finally find a boy that I really like all on my own, everyone else has to go after him too. Why do my friends do this to me? At this point she's ALMOST to the point of tears again. I told her that she just needs to be herself and don't throw herself at this boy. It's ok for her to let him know that she likes him but this boy can make up his own mind who he wants to go after and that she'll be better off just being herself. As far as the friends liking him too, well, if she's angry with them for it she should let them know. She doesn't have to be all mean about it...just let them know that it hurts her feelings that they are going after the same guy that they knew she liked first.
So, After this extremely long post, this is how 8th grade is going thus far. It Sucks! Just like I knew it would. My question for you all...How should I handle this with Baby Girl? Am I doing ok with the parenting bit? I'm not a stupid mom, I know very well that this is just typical and that most girls this age go through similar things. I know that a lot of it is all the hormones of these little mean bitches running rampant and that Baby Girl herself will feel these same things soon enough. I also know that I HAVE to be like I've always been and just let them be kids and watch them go through all this shit. Am I thinking right or am I losing it? I told a good friend recently that I knew 8th grade would be a Living Hell and that I'd never make it through it...I think I was right!
I welcome any comments...good or bad. Have a Beautiful Day People...
