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Monday, April 25, 2005
One More Thing...
There's a new toy in my parents life...just one more thing to drive me nuts! It's called a blood pressure machine. My mothers meds are causing her bp to go haywire so she now has to monitor it...no biggie right?! WRONG! Every morning now I listen to the same words from her as I read the morning news...""time to take my bp". My father comes into the room and has to have his turn...just one of about 15 turns that he'll take today. I listened to my mothers story of how Dad is driving her crazy with it all, eating like he is starving all day long, nonstop, then taking his bp once every hour or so. Mom isn't quite as bad but it's still the "topic on conversation" every time I try to visit them. I try to be the good kid and keep them a part of my daily life. But it is SO HARD! Little things like this are making me lose my mind! I just don't understand how two retired people can have such a hum-drum lifestyle that it takes a bp machine to make excitement for them. I want to yell at them to get a life and go have some fun! Their idea of fun...well, beano for mom and waiting for that one fishing trip per year for dad. Not much of a life and I feel bad for them. I hope when I'm that age I don't dislike my husband to the point where there's never any fun in our lives. So what do I do to bring excitement into their lives...and is it really my responsibility? I know we are supposed to take care of our aging parents, but... I suppose I could have another baby....I could always contract a disease that might not kill me but will give mom someone to care for for a while... I could have my house burn down and then have to move in with them so they feel needed...I don't know! I just wish they wouldn't so negative about everything and I really wish they wouldn't have to have turmoil in thier lives to be happy. It's not my idea of living!
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The "Norm"
I have friends that are very happy, staying up til all hours of the night and, on a whim, just to jump in the car and head off to Portland. I have other friends that eat dinner at 8:00 at night. Some of the people I know eat popcorn, pepperoni, and cheese and call it a good supper. Me on the other hand, I'm so "routine" it's scary. We are in the habit of eating dinner and 4:00 in the afternonn. Sometimes a little later but NEVER later than 6:00. We are in lounge wear soon after supper and have certain TV shows that are watched about five nights out of the week. I get up in the morning and after getting ready for the day I come out to the kitchen and fix oatmeal and turn on the computer to check email and blog if I have time before getting the kid off to school. On weekends, sleeping in means "whenever the cat walks on my chest". I rarely go out of the house after dark. Bedtime is usually the same time every night. My family life is very routine and it works for us. I have always complained about the way my mother does exactly the same thing day after day, week after week. Dad is the same way. Every morning off to Irving's to make the coffee and after hanging out there for an hour or two, he heads off to the hill to check for the deer. Mom gets up and takes the same exact steps to turn on the light and get the paper and light up and start the coffee. The rest of the day I could set my watch just by watching her and what she's doing. Every Tuesday and Sunday to beano, and it's forbidden that anything else, a.e. a party of some kind or cookout or kids sporting event, interfere with any of her normalities. I have always told myself that my life would NEVER be so routine. And look at me now. Here I am doing the same things. So, I'm ok with the way my family is and I accept the fact that everyone does their own thing and it works for them the same as me. So why do I see the neighbors out after dark having a good time and think "what in hell are they doing out so late? Don't they ever go to bed?" It bugs me! Maybe because there are so many times that I wish I wasn't so Routine! Now the problem is trying to figure out how to break away from the "Norm" and add a little spontaneity to life. I think it would be a good thing.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Mother/Daughter
I sit here in an outfit my daughter picked out for me. Low rise jeans that make my underwear slide down to my knees, a tight brown baby tee that makes me look like I have way more up top than I actually do, painted toenails to slip into matching flip-flops, make-up put on "just so". It's mother/daughter day! We are off to get our hair done, together, because it would be a sin for me to actually go get a little pampering done to myself without her getting it done also. She has all sorts of ideas on how I should get my hair done. "Go all Reddish brown with streaks of different brighter reds and blondes. And have it layered because I love layered hair". Doesn't she realize I'm 25 years older than her? When I was growing up I always thought my mother was so uncool. She has always been a heavy smoker, never wore make-up, wore clothing that was the most unflattering stuff she could find...I suppose I should be flattered that my daughter thinks I have what it takes to be "hip", "kewl", "totally hot". But it makes me feel, well, I'm not sure how it makes me feel. A part of me thinks back to the days of string bikinis and when I look in the mirror and see what she has done to me today, well, I feel really good about myself. Like I still "got it". The other part of me longs for the comfortable lounge wear, or at least the loose fitting jeans that I don every day. Have to have something to hide all the belly fat and extra ass. I do look forward to this day...doing the girl things I've always dreamed of doing with her. I think of the future...will we still be doing these things when she's 25 and I'm 50? Oh God...I can't even think of it! Time is slipping away so quickly! I can only pray that we will be close like this when we are both "all grown up". So I'm off...to be a little "hip" and "kewl". If only time could stand still...
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Picking Battles
She comes into the house all excited with a bag from her favorite store. "Mom, look at what I got!", she exclaims. She pulls out a very cute black and lace cami that is way to old looking for her. She runs to her room to try it on. Out she comes looking so pretty. Even though she doesn't have quite enough to fill it out, it fits her snuggly and she looks like a beautiful young lady. This isn't the first time she has had the taste of a 25 year old. Most of her clothing now is very low waisted and so tight they look like they were painted on. She hates to shop the "girl's section" for a bra but isn't quite big enough for the missy versions. She's growing up! And I hate it. I could be like my mother used to be..."No, you are not going to where that hippie clothing! Go buy a baseball shirt! If I'm paying for it you are damned well going to wear what I want you to wear!" No! I choose to pick my battles with her. She is only experimenting with self expression. She couldn't care less that she isn't as well endowed as her friends...she thinks she is beautiful just the way she is. She is trying to find what makes her feel good about herself. So...I will not squirm when she wears the stuff you see at the local tavern...I'll just be thankful that she is full of self confidence and maturity at her young age. What will the next battle be? And will I have the calmness to deal with it without alienating her? Only time will tell...and only God knows what battles I should choose to fight about...
Conversations in the Living Room
Conversation 1... Three girls and a boy are sitting around waiting to go to the dance. The talk turns to the events of the day. One girls starts to talk about Dylan, a boy she likes that doesn't know she exists. Apparently at school that day two of the girls were chewing on pen caps, (and I thought mom's taught their children to not put things in their mouth except for food) and Dylan made a comment. In the living room, the four were discussing this comment and the boy in the room burst out laughin saying Dylan's comment was right on target, the two girls make a good team, one sucks and one blows...
Conversation 2... Two girls and a boy were hangin out. One of the girls and the boy are "going out". They are sitting together on the couch and the other girl jumps between them saying "push over...what do you, think this is a gang bang or something!"
Conversation 3... Three girls were bored and bugging the mother who was trying to chat online. As they looked over the mom's shoulder they wanted her to write stuff to the person online for them. The mom wrote something to the effect of, "These girls are driving me crazy. One of them is blowing me " (meaning to say blowing ON me) and the three girls immediately start laughing and commenting on how it souded like the mom was talking about blow-jobs.
These are just three of the conversations that have taken place in my living room over the past month or so. These kids are only 12 and 13 years old. Now I know that when I was 12 or 13, although we were interested in boys and "experimentation" and we probably said a few swear words from time to time, I absolutely know that I'd never have conversations like these in the presence of a parent. What is it with kids these days? Don't get me wrong, I love the open relationships of parents and kids that you see today. But I know my mother would have put lye soap in my mouth if I had ever had a conversation like these in her living room...
Monday, April 18, 2005
communication
I talk about everything with the women in my life. And we can talk for hours about one subject. If we have a problem with each other or just a problem in general we can talk and talk until things are all worked out. Why is it that it isn't that way with men. They certainly know how to make a mess and then just sweep it under the mat. You try to talk with them and they don't even acknowledge that there is a problem. They have a way of creating a problem and then when you try to talk with them about it they just pretend it doesn't exsist. Mine likes to say that I didn't understand the way he says something. Or he'll say I take things too personally. I think it's their way of thinking they have control. They control the relationship (they think) when they come in and say things or do things that they know is wrong, usually opening their mouth or doing something before thier brain reminds them that it's wrong, and then they quickly end the subject thinking that it will never be brought up again. But the women they do this to aren't going to give up control that easily. We for some reason don't have that instinct of just letting things go. We dwell on things for days on end and they longer we dwell the more we feel hurt. Maybe we should try to be more like men...create a mess, end it just as quickly by pretending we don't have a clue that there is even a problem, then have sex to relieve all the tension. Then you watch Dr. Phil and he tells us all to start communicating when there is a problem...He's a man...Does that mean that all problems should just be ended as soon as the sex is over. "Talk to the man, tell him how you feel about the situation" How many times has Dr. Phil said that? Obviously he lives in his own world because I haven't met a man yet that knows how to communicate.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Spring!
I went outside and finally my delphiniums are up and quite a few of the other perennials. Still haven't noticed the Lily of the Valley though. I guess that means that the fiddleheads are a long way off. Bummer. The geese are back and I hear them every morning heading up the river. I've missed that sound. Winter was way too long. Never used to effect me...after all I choose to live in Maine! But this winter was different. Maybe it was all the family turmoil...maybe it was my Dad's heart surgery in September...I can't even remember last fall and that's my favorite season. Anyway, I'm glad that Spring is finally here. I'm anxious to get down on my knees and feel the good earth on my hands. I almost bought some Pansies today but was afraid I'd jinx something. Soon there will be too many bugs and it will be muggy and hot and I'll be uncomfortable. If only we could have Spring all year long...is there such a place? Spring brings a newness with it. Gives people a fresh outlook on life with all the trees budding and pretty smells in the air. Something about those Glade Plug Ins that just doesn't cut it...not the same as fresh linens dried in the sun. Like my Blog site name...It's time to start appreciateing the simple things in life again...
Thought for the day: For these I am grateful...My old red bicycle, Hula Hoops, Naptime in the Sun, Goldfinches finally becoming Gold again, And when I lose my grip on life knowing that God hasn't lost his grip on me. WELCOME SPRING!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
New to Blogging
I'm new at this but this is fun. I have always wanted a place to write down me thoughts and now I have it. so here we go...
My daughter is growing up so fast and I hate it. She's my only child and I want time to stand still. She is a beautiful young lady with a heart of gold and still innocent...but I bet not for long. My husband works and works and works and gets very tired and angry for no reason...for the past couple of years he hasn't been much fun...is perfectly content to sit around and do nothing. Can't blame him though, he's never home. I hope that he remembers he has a wife soon...I think he's forgotten and just considers me a piece of furniture in the house.
I've been very down on myself lately...maybe because of something my husband recently said to me...but I'm trying to pull myself out of that rut. I keep telling myself I'm a good person and I do have a purpose in this world...I am a very hard worker and want what's best for everyone in my life. My new, well not so new, motto is "Stay Positive, No Matter What!", but it's hard to remember that motto when everyone around me is negative...
I'm so ready for this nasty weather to be done with...I want warm sun on my face and flowers in bloom...I'm very impatient that way...
I have some new very special friends in my life...but I approach them with caution...I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and have found that to be very dangerous...I usually get crushed in the end. I hope my new buddies understand why it's hard for me to let them in. I've been told before that I get too personal in my relationships, but if you don't have someone in your life that you can get personal with then life isn't worth the effort...
Another thought for the day: Let your inner light show. It makes you glow!
Life?
Sometimes I view life as a very serious thing and people tell me I take life too seriously...maybe, just maybe they are right?
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; the just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Thought for the day: You don't need a makeover. You're already special!
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